Supporting a Survivor
What to Do When A Survivor Discloses Their Sexual Assault to You
When someone shares their experience of sexual assault with you, it can be a moment of deep trust and vulnerability. Your response can have a significant impact on their healing journey. Many survivors struggle with fear, shame, or self-doubt, making the act of disclosure a critical step toward healing. Knowing how to provide support in a compassionate and effective way can make all the difference.
How to Respond with Compassion
A survivor’s decision to disclose their experience is often fraught with anxiety and uncertainty. Here’s how you can respond in a way that affirms their courage and helps them feel heard:
Listen Without Judgment: Allow them to share their story at their own pace. Avoid interrupting or pressing for details.
Believe Them: Survivors often fear they won’t be believed. Validate their experience with affirmations like, "I believe you" or "I’m here for you."
Reassure Them That It’s Not Their Fault: Self-blame is common among survivors. Remind them, "What happened to you is not your fault."
Respect Their Feelings and Boundaries: Some survivors may feel overwhelmed or conflicted. Let them express their emotions without trying to “fix” them.
Ask How You Can Help: Instead of assuming what they need, ask, "What can I do to support you?"
What Not to Say or Do
Even with the best intentions, certain responses can be harmful or invalidating. Avoid:
Doubting or Questioning Their Story: Comments like “Are you sure?” or “Why didn’t you tell someone sooner?” can reinforce shame and fear.
Making It About You: While sharing personal experiences might seem helpful, it can take the focus away from the survivor’s needs.
Pressuring Them to Take Action: Some may not be ready to report or seek help. Support their choices without pushing them.
Offering Unsolicited Advice: Instead of saying, “You should do this,” try “I can help you find resources if you want.”
Encouraging Them to Seek Support
Healing from sexual assault is a complex journey, and professional support can be invaluable. Encourage, but do not force, survivors to consider resources such as:
Therapists or Counselors – Specialized professionals can help survivors process trauma and develop coping strategies.
Support Groups – Connecting with other survivors can provide a sense of community and validation.
Crisis Hotlines – Confidential support is available through organizations like RAINN (1-800-656-HOPE) and other survivor advocacy groups.
Medical and Legal Resources – If they want medical care or legal action, help them research their options without pressuring them.
Respecting Their Privacy and Choices
Confidentiality is critical. Never share their story without explicit permission. If they choose not to take certain steps—like reporting the assault or seeking therapy—respect their autonomy. Healing looks different for everyone, and survivors must navigate it at their own pace.
Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting a survivor can be emotionally intense. It’s okay to seek guidance for yourself, whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends. Setting boundaries and practicing self-care ensures that you can continue to be a source of support without becoming overwhelmed.
Your Support Matters
By offering empathy, understanding, and respect, you can help create a safe space for survivors to heal. Remember, you don’t need to have all the answers—you just need to be there, listen, and believe them. Your compassion can be a powerful force in their journey toward recovery.